Oddities and Entities
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: House plays with Cuddy during a moment of boredom. Cuddy strikes back. Some interesting conversation, a bit of strangeness, and possibly a little bit of fun.


**This is a oneshot fic. I'm not sure what prompted this and I hadn't the slightest idea as to where it was going as it was going, so I'm convinced that the upcoming Holiday had its sneaky little influence on it. Anyway, read and enjoy, as always! Leave a review if you please.**

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He wasn't closet nice, meaning he was the same person in the privacy of his own home that he was to your face. When he was mean to you, he almost always meant it. Except when he didn't. And when he didn't, well, he was hiding something or protecting something. Sometimes his dignity, sometimes his weakness, sometimes the mere fact that he actually wanted to kiss you.

You, however, ignored him. Or fought back. It depended on a lot of things. Your mood, the insult level, the hurt factor. Each different part molded together to form your comeback... or lack of one. You almost always fought. Except when you didn't. And when you didn't, you were telling him something. Sometimes annoyance, sometimes fatigue, and sometimes that you needed him to stop because you couldn't fight him today.

Normally when he approached you, you cooly held your ground because you were you and he... well, he was someone you always knew would fight. But today was different because as he approached and you waited for his shadow to loom, he suddenly reared his course in a different direction. No, he wasn't turning back, he wasn't surrendering... He was actually doing what you asked of him. He was going to the clinic.

In a split second, you were following after him because you knew he was up to something. He wasn't, however, other than merely wanting you to follow him. He thought out his actions carefully and knew that if he ignored you, you would pursue. Because that's what you did. You would never fully trust him and that bothered him severely, but he accepted it and used it to his advantage when he could.

"House," your voice rang out and you ignored the fact that half the employees and half the patients in the clinic looked to you.

The majority of the patients went back to their reading or nervous wrenching of the hands. The employees, well, they knew better. You were going to strike at him and they were always up for a good show. Sometimes they made up crazy ideas that they expected House to do next. If anyone was ever right, they won a good sum of money. They enjoyed these performances and it bothered you that you always seemed to be putting on a show for someone.

He turned, coyly, much too pleased with himself for your liking. You approached him, sizing him up, noting his body language and trying to determine what terrible thing he had done now. The thought that he almost killed someone was on your mind. It was always on your mind when it came to him.

"Yes?" he asked, pretending to be completely annoyed at having to halt.

"What are you doing?" You came across as being sly without realizing it. He loved it most when you didn't realize you were doing it.

"Clinic duty," he stated it simply, wanting to push your buttons. That's actually the only reason he was doing this. Boredom always drove him to annoy you.

You placed your hands on your hips, trying to push your authority on him. "What did you do?"

"What did I do..." House pondered this. He was going to draw it out as long as possible. "What... did I... do... Hm... now that is an interesting question. Let's see... I woke up this morning and climbed out of bed. I debated showing up at your house, but decided against it since you're inhuman and never sleep. And because of the mere fact that if anyone looks directly in your eyes in the morning, you turn them into stone."

"Special talent." You were trying to humor him, trying to bring the truth out. "Really, House, what are looking for? I have to pull teeth to get you even near the clinic. What's going on?"

"You caught me," he replied in that false tone you were easily able to identify by now. "I'm using your clinic patients as experiments to solve my case. Can I get an 'okay' on that?"

Narrowing your eyes at him, you smirked. "Of course. Sounds great. Now, really, what are you doing here?"

"I thought I just got it through your thick skull." He was finding great enjoyment in this. He turned to the patients in the waiting area and began pointing. "That one's going to be pumped with steroids, that one's getting an STD, that one is going to have some radiation poisoning, and you, my friend, will be chock full of vitamins until it nearly kills you."

With your mouth open in a state of shock and anger, you quickly grab House and yank on his arm, dragging him away from the now terrified patients.

"He was lying," you call back over your shoulder. "He's a patient here and very," your eyes meet House's, "_deranged_."

As you pull House into an empty exam room, he's trying to fight you. Once the door closes, he drops his act and hobbles over to the exam stool where he promptly sits. Your hips are slanted as one hand rests on the upsloped hip. You want him to pay attention to you so he knows that you are angry, but he's not even looking at you. He is more focused with sliding the stool around playfully. You have the sudden urge to slap him.

"Are you insane?" you ask him loudly, hoping he'll stop due to the volume of your voice. He doesn't. You sigh and drop your hands to your sides. "What are you trying to prove? Are you trying to bother me? Don't you have work you should be doing?"

He stopped wheeling around, head raised slightly toward the ceiling, eyes squinting as he thought over his answers. "Nothing, yes, and no."

Your hands are back on your hips. "Well, then. Since you're already here, you might as well see some patients."

"After you just told them all I'm deranged?" His eyes are burning you. "That sounds like a horror movie cliche. Deranged doc, voluptuous breasted hospital adviser who dies first because she's the clear slut of-"

"House," your words came out calm as you took slow, deliberate steps toward him. "If you do not find something else to do, either a patient to see, or paperwork to fill out, or something else just as productive, this Psycho is going to go all Michael Myers on you and make you wish this was just a Nightmare On Elm Street, okay?"

House scooted back on the stool and stood, now standing about a foot from you. He was smirking, pleased with himself for how well this was going.

"Considering the geek factor of your statement, _Bride of Frankenstein_, you might be a virgin after all." House leaned in, wanting to invade your space.

"My sister was a horror movie fiend," you respond, cooly. It was true. Your younger sister, Dory, always made you watch her wide collection of horror movies with her. It was her secret obsession and often caused you nightmares.

"Right." He rolled his eyes at you. "Your 'sister.' I'm sure she's nonfictional."

You pause, slightly confused. You could have sworn House knew you had a sister. Stepping back, you decided to move away from him. After all, he was invading your personal space and you always hated when he did that.

"My sister. Dory." You watch him, trying to decide if he was faking his lack of knowledge about your sister. "She has two boys... Lives about twenty minutes from here in Cedar Grove... Does any of this ring a bell?"

House shook his head, then raised his eyebrows excitedly. "Twilight Zone."

He began to sing the Twilight Zone theme music and you were really not up for his games anymore, so you did the only thing you could think of. You left. After all, what other choice did you have? He was never going to shut up.

Besides, all he had been doing this entire time was pulling your leg, making you work to figure out what he had done, when he actually had done nothing at all. You knew now that he merely wanted to annoy you. You wish you had seen through it sooner however, because you were currently late for a meeting due to his antics.

"Hey, Psycho."

He called out after you, and you had half a mind to ignore him. But, you were already late and a few more minutes wasn't going to hurt, so you turned. You made sure your face gave him every indication that you were annoyed.

"Heading to your meeting?" He asked as he stood just outside the exam room.

"Spying on me now?" You narrowed your eyes, hoping he wouldn't continue on for another five minutes.

"I just wanted to tell you to make sure that you know what they did last summer," he replied and tried to hide the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth.

You try to hide your own smile, but it fails so you raise your eyebrows to him. "It'll be quite The Exorcist."

You turn sharply, knowing that he is smiling now. You walk away from him, heading for the meeting, but your mind is anywhere from that. Although he did annoy you and make you angry, you know that beneath all that, something just happened between the two of you. Something that made you wish you could walk right back into the exam room with him.

But, you don't. Because walking back in there with those deep down repressed feelings would be scarier than any horror movie you had ever seen.

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** Fin.**


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